Navigating Family Dynamics: Insights for a Peaceful Thanksgiving by Stephanie Jasper, PsyD, LP
Holidays can be beautiful and full of joy, but they can also be a source of stress for some. This season in particular, many families are navigating the complexities of differing views on any number of topics. There hasn’t been a time in recent history where our country and many of our families have been more divided. As we embark on another holiday season, I’d like to offer some new thoughts on how to work toward connection when our culture has us at odds with each other.
Some ideas to get you there:
Focus on Joyful Memories
It is ok to simply not talk about stuff that will create distance or conflict. The holidays are supposed to bring people together. And it is REALLY important for us to reconnect with each other. There has been too much distance in recent years and it has taken a toll on our health. Pull out an old family photo album or video. Share funny childhood stories or reflect on past holiday traditions. Bring on the inside jokes, belly laugh. It’s time. If possible, spend your holidays in this space. Come back together.
Highlight Shared Values
While we might have differing opinions on “the issues” we likely have similar stances on the roots of those issues. Love for our children, a desire to better our financial futures, a goal of fairness, etc.
I’ll tell you a story from my own family: This past summer the discussion of non-gendered bathrooms came up at a family function. While there were differing views on the “issue,” what I was able to introduce to the conversation that we all could agree on was a want for kids to feel safe and accepted. No one at the table wanted anyone’s kids to experience hate or depression or suicidal ideation and while we were never going to agree on the issue of bathrooms, it felt good to end a conversation connecting around care for kids in general.
Release Minor Grievances
Connection and family are important to our very survival. I’m not saying you should look the other way if you have a family member that is being abusive or causing you to feel unsafe in any way. But I am encouraging you to give some grace to a family member who may have had an unfortunate sound-bite in recent years. Someone who may have said something off-putting, but isn’t a terrible person. It might be time to let it go.
Practice Acceptance
This one can be a lifesaver. Walk into your family space and have a “what-ya-see is what-ya-get” attitude. Acceptance. More often than not, we are better off with a family than we are without. I worry that the recent cultural upheaval of our country has tried to convince people that they should dump their family if they aren’t perfectly aligned with our world view. While this may be necessary in some circumstances, this is often not needed and can be awful advice.
Mindfulness
Ok, now let’s just talk about coping skills. The holidays are stressful. Your family might be “a lot.” You are absolutely allowed to have some limits and while I’m advocating for you to reconnect this holiday season, you should still take care of yourself.
Manage your time. If a day trip is all you can handle, say no to an overnight.
Take breaks. Volunteer to take the dog out or play with the little kids.
Drink some water, eat some veggies, and move your body.
Connect with your super-safe people throughout. Call a friend on the drive home.
One last thought… it is okay if reconnecting feels like a work-in-progress. I encourage you to have realistic expectations for yourself and your family. It is okay to have any and all feelings, to make choices that are best for you, and to take care of yourself throughout it. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook to learn about our Fall Wellness Offers and upcoming Black Friday specials!
